my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
