The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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