yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
