I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
