Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At least make sure they are 18
Why
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
