Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
