He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
