We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
