If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
