she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rumble strips road head = magical
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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