farters have to be the big spoon...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize