So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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