I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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