I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
