I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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