How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the condom got lost in my hair
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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