I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
