my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is Oprah even human
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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