they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
