I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
