How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
