I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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