Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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