I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize