i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
