whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
