i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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