Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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