I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
