when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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