Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
