btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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