But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
