have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
