there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize