i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
