I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
