i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
organizing the empties. That sober.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
