Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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