On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
