It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
