Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
