i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
