Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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