Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
