Jerry, you need to find god
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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