Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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