Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
