my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize