i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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