I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
