jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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