I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
