i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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