Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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