so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
