I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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