i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
