Welp...herpes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
