We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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