I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
