I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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