3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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