Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
