You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
