me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
