I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
