WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
